Strengthening Your Visibility Muscle: A.K.A. How To Get Your Brand SEEN

On some level, we (we, being humans) all want and need to be SEEN.

Yes, even you over there trying to play it shy and safe and avoid putting your face on camera or your images and words out onto the internets. 

But really, we all need to be seen – 

As kids, we need our parents and caretakers to see us.

As adults, we need to be witnessed as we succeed, fail, learn, and grow.

The fact is, for better or worse, our existence is made distinct by how it impacts others. We can pretend “I don’t care what anyone thinks,” but ultimately we do. 

We want to be witnessed in our experience, because that is part of what actualizes us, and makes our experience REAL. It all circles back to that age-old question “if a tree falls in a forest, and no one is there to hear it, does it even make a sound?”

In his book You Are The Universe, Deepak Chopra gets into this topic more deeply — explaining how, on a physical level, our sight makes the world REAL just as much as the world is real before we even lay eyes upon it.

Similarly, our relationships mold us — give us a sense of identity, self, and purpose.

The fact is we don’t live in a vacuum, and when we try, that isolation often leads to worsening symptoms of depression, anxiety, and so on (for those of us who are predisposed to that sort of thing — like yours truly). 

And of course being seen matters a whole helluva lot for your brand and business.

Over my many years as an entrepreneur and artist, I’ve consistently had to put myself “out there,” and in that time I’ve noticed a few interesting emotional patterns that I know aren’t unique to me.

Namely, after I have a big moment of vulnerability or visibility (i.e. being SEEN) either deeply by one person, or broadly by a group of people — I typically have a little “hangover” afterwards. 

Let’s call it “The Visibility Hangover.”

Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes it’s intense, but it’s always there. 

I walk off stage, shut off the camera, leave the room, end the conversation, watch the film credits roll, and all of a sudden I feel so NAKED that I want to curl up and console myself. It’s uncomfortable. Sometimes the hangover comes and leaves quickly; other times it lingers longer. I find it’s typically a longer hangover when you really care a lot, or if you’re REALLY bringing your whole self and your whole story to the table.

The more vulnerable it feels, the bigger the visibility hangover.

For example, visibility for my business and online brand has never felt as challenging as “being seen” as a professional fiction writer. 

Case in point…

A couple of years ago, I remember having my first meeting with a producer about a screenplay I had just gone to market with. He was interested in producing the movie, and it was a very personal (yet disturbing, and polarizing) project.

And, while I knew it was likely only the first meeting of many, I still felt nervous ahead of time and wondered how I could possibly “present” myself and who I am (like, as a brand) in a trustable, professional way.

I, in essence, wanted to crack the question of… 

“How can I be SEEN in the wholeness of my full potential?”

At the time, I wasn’t really able to fully embody that wholeness without being a complete bundle of nerves. 

Once I was in the room, I instantly clicked into who I was and flowed intuitively through the meeting. I love improvising, so this is never an issue for me once I’m in the room. (The before and after, however, could admittedly use some work.)

After the meeting wrapped up and I went home, I felt two ways…

1. GREAT because it was a great meeting, but also…
2. TIRED and a little bit afraid. I noticed my thoughts…

“Did I miss an opportunity?”

“Did I say the right thing?”

“Was I smart enough?”
“I hope my thoughts made sense.”

See? No one is 100% confident all the time, not even me. 

I also noticed myself saying “… if that makes sense” a couple of times after finishing a thought throughout the meeting. Which is basically code for “I don’t trust that my thoughts make sense; can you validate me?”

See, as a professional wordsmith, I know how important language is and that what you say deeply reflects your thinking, informs what you create, and impacts what energy you give to other people. Sure, being a great communicator means making sure your message is delivered in a clear way — but second-guessing yourself or even wondering if your thought process made sense to the other person? IT’S A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME, ENERGY, AND THOUGHTS. 

And…

Visibility is hard because it puts us in this position.

It allows us to wonder how someone else receives and perceives us, which, to be frank, isn’t something we can control.

But humans love to control things. 

So, instead of accepting that we have no control, we get sucked into “The Visibility Hangover.”

Which can look like getting wrapped up in questions about whether or not we actually ARE we who think we are based on what the “audience” received. 

• Was I smart?
• Was I funny?
• Was I attractive?
• Was I savvy?
• Was I well-informed?
• Was I likeable?
• ETC.

The truth is that ALL you can do is show up.

The rest – is up to spirit.

But here’s the good and bad news about being seen –

The Visibility Hangover is just part of the process.

So if you want your brand to be more visible, what you need to do FIRST is make peace with that fact.

The only way you can begin to worry less about how someone else sees you is by making the game simpler: just let yourself be seen. 

After all, most people are caught up in their own silly thoughts anyway — not yours. 9 times out of 10, getting visible is going to go a whole lot better than your fearful imagination could ever allow.

And when the hangover hits, remember to be compassionate with yourself and laugh it off. 

Because visibility takes PRACTICE. 

So does managing the anxiety of anticipation and the funny thoughts that come as a result of the inevitable hangover afterwards.

But you’re not the only one who goes through it.

It’s just normal human stuff. 

All you have to do is know that every time you do it, you get a little bit better at it. 😉

So flex that visibility muscle to practice being seen, not to practice being perfect.

P.S. That producer and I are still working on that movie together.